KFD
by DippedDorito
Summary: A fanfic inspired by my good friend rapono. Several years after Weirdmageddon has been stopped, Dipper has a job at a local fast food restaurant. When a strangely familiar human comes in, can Dipper keep his cool (and assorted limbs)? Warning: cannibalism. Don't say I didn't warn you.


"Here's your change; your food will be ready in a moment." Dipper waved the customer towards the next counter, then motioned the next customer to come forward. "Welcome to- Bill?!"

"Wow Pine Tree, they let you name the joint after me? How sweet!" The humanized demon leered down at the nervous teenager. "And to think, I had the impression you didn't like me…"

"Of course I don't! How are you here, we defeated you years ago!"

"Well, that's the thing about us immortal dream demons, we have a nasty tendency of coming back, you know, for revenge." Bill grinned, an evil glint in his eyes. "Plus, I heard the food here is fantastic! Figured I could spare a stop by. What do you recommend?"

Dipper glanced anxiously at the quickly growing impatient customers behind Bill. "Any chance we could settle this later?"

"I'm a legitimate customer! You have to fulfill my requests! 'The customer is always right'!" He pointed to the sign hanging behind Dipper, an often referred to code of conduct for the employees at the fast food place. "Now what do you think I would like?"

Dipper bit his lip, but decided to humor the demon's wishes, to avoid making a scene. "The chicken is good, and the fries are handmade, so most people like those. I really like the poutine."

"Hmm…" Bill tapped his chin thoughtfully and gazed at the menu above. "I really can't decide… Let's say… Eeny, meeny, miney, YOU." He snapped his fingers, and instantly everyone else in the building was frozen in place, leaving only he and Dipper conscious.

Dipper cried out in shock and quickly backed away from the counter, staring at his frozen coworkers in shock. "What did you do?"

"Relax Pine Tree, I just wanted some alone time with you. I do so hate interference." Bill leapt over the counter and headed into the back. The clang of equipment being rifled through floated up to the front, where Dipper listened in terrified silence. "Do you seriously not have any butcher knives in this place? Ah well, maybe it's better without." Bill popped back into view, a devilish smile lighting up his face.

Dipper backed up nervously. "Now ill, I'm sure we can settle this peacefully…"

"Of course we can! I just want something to eat! So if you'd just give me your hand really quick…" Dipper finally backed into the wall, and made a small noise of protest as Bill ran a hand along his right arm, finally grabbing his wrist and staring at it fixedly. Dipper tried to pull away, but in vain; he was bound by the same spell keeping the other humans in the store at bay. He was forced to raise his arm as Bill examined it, holding it up to eye level and turning it in every direction, and finally licking it, from elbow to wrist. Dipper shuddered, but was unable to defend himself. Bill smacked his lips in appreciation. "Yes, this'll do nicely. Easily worth the trouble you've caused me, eh?"

Dipper shook noticeably, and Bill laughed. "Come on now Pine Tree, be a good sport! Let's have some fun with this! How should we cook you, huh? Grilled, broiled, baked… It must be the very best…" Bill turned and, seeing the fryer, laughed with delight. "Perfect! Everything's better deep-fried, right?" He began to drag Dipper toward the machine.

"N-no… No Bill please, don't…" Dipper struggled to break the spell even enough to speak.

"Too late for that Pine Tree!" Bill almost sang the words. "You have to learn your lesson, and besides, now I really am hungry." He pulled Dipper up to the fryer, and without hesitation, plunged Dipper's arm in up to the elbow.

Dipper screamed; the pain was unlike anything he had ever felt, he didn't understand how it was possible for something to burn so much. At first he hoped to get used to the pain; then he wished to pass out; and when it became clear neither was to happen, the only reassuring thought was that his nerves had to die soon. Bill held his arm in place just above the elbow, humming a vaguely familiar song under his breath. "What do you think, almost done?" Dipper glared at him, gasping for breath. Bill nodded. "Yep, I think you're good." He pulled Dipper's arm out, and if Dipper could have collapsed, he would have. His arm was bright red and swollen, and a layer of crusted grease coated its entirety. It still burned as though it had never left the fryer, and as Bill ran a smooth finger along the flesh, it sent fresh waves of pain coursing through his body.

"Mmm, looks delicious! Mind if I try a piece?" Bill lifted the arm to his mouth and sank his teeth into it, ripping off a strip of burnt flesh. Dipper cried out; how was it still possible to feel pain? Bill chewed thoughtfully. "The crispness of the skin is nice, but it's a little undercooked. Raw flesh is just gross." He swallowed and grinned. "A little underwhelming. I honestly thought it would taste better. Should've seasoned you properly, let you marinade a bit." He shrugged. "Ah well, live and learn. Mind if I take the rest to go?"

Dipper realized what was going to happen a moment too late. Even as he opened his mouth in a weak protest, Bill raised his hand, and in a flash of magic severed his arm at the joint. Finally Dipper was allowed to collapse, and he did, crumpling to the floor and cradling the bleeding stump that was once a working appendage. Bill chuckled at Dipper's display of human weakness. "Thanks Pine Tree, this has been fun! I think you've learned your lesson, so I'll be off. He wandered back to the front, grabbing a pack of French fries on the way out. "See ya in your dreams kid!" And he was gone. The spell on the occupants was broken, and as panic began to set in, Dipper finally went into shock, embracing the peace of unconsciousness.


End file.
